


the sins of our past always come back

by Cypherr



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Gen, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), this is a heavy one guys, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29894922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cypherr/pseuds/Cypherr
Summary: What was he forgetting? Why couldn't he remember?//vent fic//
Comments: 5
Kudos: 59





	the sins of our past always come back

**Author's Note:**

> I've been fucking GOING THROUGH IT tonight I just finished dying my hair because I've spent so long growing it out I didn't want to shave it again

Tommy wasn't sure _why_ the memory popped up. It wasn't like it was a core one. Just a casual statement said in passing while on a walk with his father, reminiscing on a past he could never really remember.

It was years ago, back in his old home. He doesn't remember why they were walking down their one-street neighborhood, but they were. He wasn't sure what brought the conversation up, either. He remembered the words, though. They stuck with him, for some reason.

_"Yeah. You were good friends with the girl that lived there. You were over there all the time. Her father was on the sex offender list, but he wasn't actually. Said his ex-wife was crazy. Said he kidnapped their kids, even though they wanted to go with him. Got him put on the list. Ridiculous."_

It was a random memory frow when he was still barely a preteen. He wasn't sure why it popped into his head mid-bite of Chinese takeout.

He couldn't stop thinking about it, though. Even as he laid down in bed to retire for the night. It just kept replaying, over and over again, and, try as he might, he could never remember ever going into that white brick house, or even the girl and her father that had supposedly lived there. Of course, he didn't remember most of his childhood, which he knows stems from the fact that trauma is a bitch, but he'd never- he'd never thought about _this_ before. He thought it was all because he was hated, like everyone had told him all the time growing up. Praised him for being independent, and sending scathing remarks his way every other time. Or it was the fact that his sister repeatedly tried to drown him, and beat him black and blue at least once a week. He remembered all of that, though- mostly, anyway. But he couldn't remember that house.

No one got put on that list casually.

He couldn't remember that chunk of his life.

That scared him.

What scared him further, was his fear of sexual intimacy. Of men. Of adults. Things he'd always feared, long before everyone he'd ever dated never listened when he'd said _no._ He thought, after he had found the terms, that he was just asexual and romantic. He thought that had been the end of it. Though that he was starting to move on from the _hell_ that was his childhood.

_Why couldn't he remember that house? The man that lived there? The girl? Those years of his life?_

Was he- was he fucking _molested_ as a kid?

Is that why he feared attention, after being so social as a young child? Is it why he hates people touching him without warning? Without his explicit consent- even if it's just a hug? Is that why he hates being touched lower than his shoulder blades?

_What was he forgetting?_

_Why couldn't he remember?_

**Author's Note:**

> it's a mental breakdown *do do doo dooo do do do do doo*


End file.
